Point/Counterpoint!

Hey there lovahs! Yours truly, Ms. Fierce, is back!!!!!!!!! It has been WAAAAYYYY too long to deprive my bbs of the musings and ponderings of a genius! Alas, nothing has sparked my literary fire until NOW! I have officially met my "twin" in NYC, care of my amazing friend Camille. Scary, isn't it??? There is another me out there.. except they are male. And gay. So other than those two minor differences, we are exactly the same.

Now, Andy, the love muffin he is, has started a blog. (It's fabu.. you MUST go read it! Link is on the right side) Now, his first blog ever is the TOP 10 REASONS WHY HE DOESN'T WANT A BABY!!! Other than the fact that he physically can't have a kid because he is missing lady parts/gates of paradise, he clearly does not want to breed. As a non-breeder myself (yes, I have a child, but does that make me one in my definition of said breeder? NO! Definition is above) I understand exactly what he means. I, too, was a fan of the Mommie Dearest method of parenting. (You all KNOW my fascination with that movie.. Poor Charlie) On his blog, he writes some very valid, VERY strong arguments as to why he doesn't want a child. I would like to counterargue his points with my own top ten.

10. A Whole new reason to shop.
Yes, you heard me right. (well, read me right, since this is a blog) I thought as a fashionista, I had all the reasons of shopping down to a science. I puckered my mouth in distaste when passing a children's store. What the hell would I find there other than vomit, horrid prints, even worse pastels and mom jeans??? Well, as with anything worth looking for, with some hard work, you can find some of the cutest stuff for a kid ever!!! Did you know Dior makes baby onsies? Burberry has polos! Gucci has baby carriers!!! Louis has a baby bag!!! Too often we are so desensitized by all the ugly stuff out there, that we forget there is HOPE! I am eventually getting a new diaper bag, and guess what, it will be fabulous. Who says it has to be matronly and ugly? Is that now synonymos with babies? Who the hell said so?? Oh yeah right, the ugly mommy brigade. Well this is one mom who says NO WAY.. With a kid, my shopping obsession has become doubled because of this little person. Granted, its not only for me, but if you love shopping as much as I do, you will take it whenever, however and in whatever form you can.

9. You have an easy out clause.
Let's say you were invited to some lame function (with even lamer cash bar) that you SERIOUSLY don't want to go to, but must. Ugh.. the sheer thought of idle conversation and forced laughter is enough to drive you over the edge. A person with no child could selfishly say, no, I don't want to go to "insert function name" because I don't want to. That's a good enough excuse, but, truthfully, you look and sound like a half brained spoiled twit. You could say you're sick, but honestly, how many times can you really use that and still sound credible? A death in the family? Yes, but you seriously pushing the karma button on that one. What is a non-child having person to do? I don't know about them, but I can use my kid as an excuse. Not only do I sound like a freaking Mother of the Year (oh.. Charlie has a low grade fever and I MUST be with him to make sure he's ok) but you get out of your obligation. Sure, non-breeders can still say no, but you will look like a schmuck (without a good excuse, at least) where as I will look like a Saint.

8. Work from Home Clause
Enough said. Unless you have puppies/dog, I don't think they will be as lax with non-breeders.

7. Cut in line/get a seat clause
I get to go in front of you at most things, like airports, trains, buses, etc. Yes, my kid is crying and annoying you, but I have a seat on the metro and you don't. Ha!

6. You can destroy someone's house that you don't like. (in seconds)
You know that annoying co-worker that threw you under the bus last year?? Take your kid to their house and let them spit up on their wool houndstooth rug. Let them try to spray and wash that carpet knowing they just blew $3000 for nothing! For even more mass destruction, give the kid grape juice. Shake a few times and enjoy!

5. Babies are the new wingman.
Oh, laugh and mock if you must, but strap a kid in a Baby Bjorn and see how much attention you get. (This is mostly for guys, but it can work in women's favor too) Seriously, my husband, Saint Pete, had Charlie strapped in and the women were FAWNING and GUSHING over themselves to get to him. Pete, of course, loved it. Some hottie at Gap was MACKING on the sales girl and she was eating it up. Granted, the venue will be different, but the results are just the same.

4. Tax Deduction.
So you want the new Louis Neverfull, but alas, your non-breeder salary doesn't allow for it, credit cards are maxed out and you are getting nothing back from the tax man. Boo-hoo.... Guess what.. that kid you don't like/aren't having.. just bought me mine. :-) God bless the U.S.A.

3. You actually have a reason for an S.U.V.
Well, a green/earth friendly one, anyway. Still no need for a freaking hummer. But honestly, what the hell does one person need with an GX for?? Well, other than loading a ton of shopping bags, and we BOTH know you don't make that kind of money.

2. Someone will take care of you.
Let's face it. We will get old. Yes, it's true. And no matter how fabulous we are now, fabulous does have to age. You can have the best plans laid out, but when you are pooping yourself in a depends, it will be nice to have someone repay the favor. (let's hope we don't get to that point, but hey, you never EVER know)

1. And the best reason EVER to have a Child....
They are a mini you. No more explanation needed!!!

Comments are welcome.. unless you are nasty and bitter, and have nothing constructive to say.