The HooHaw Dialogues

It's amazing to me how much you can get away with when being pregnant. It reminds me of the episode on How I Met Your Mother when Barney was trying to get a drink and he kept getting denied and finally he mentioned the magic words ITS FOR THE BRIDE and voila! Instant drink in hand. Like a wedding, where it's the Bride's special special special day and she gets pretty much whatever she wants, I feel like being preggers is a get out of jail free card. Seriously, I don't know why I didn't think of this before. Getting pregnant has definitely had its upsides!

Example: The power outage in the Cincy area caused restaurants to have massive waits and lines. One night, Pete and I were in the seat yourself section of the restaurant and I was hungry, so clearly not in the best mood. I was trying as best as I could to be patient, but it just wasn't working. I mentioned to Pete sarcastically that I was a pregnant women and should not have to wait this long and LOW AND BEHOLD a person tells us they are about to get up and we can have their seats. Can you imagine?? I was KIDDING!! It's like Pregnancy is the Jedi Mind Trick that I never mastered. Obi Wan would be soo proud. The person looked at me like I might eat their young if I didn't get their seat with in 7.2 seconds. SERIOUSLY!! It made me wonder, are pregnant women that bad? Do we really spazz out and get emotional and EVIL when we don't get our way. I just want to thank all those evil bee-yotches before me for doing all the dirty work and now I reap all the benefits. I have been pretty good about playing the Preggers card, but man, its starting be worth it!

This also works wonderfully at work. Before, I used to have to wait in line like everyone else for food.. Now, it's "Marie, you are preggers, you get to go first..." OHHHH YEAH!!! I simply put my hand on my belly and people are all like "are you ok? is the baby ok??" I don't want these people to be scared, by any means, but it does make me feel pretty special. My friend Essie and I just had lunch and we got to the restaurant before the rest of the group. The proper and expected thing of course, would be to wait for those that have not arrived before eating. (this is a buffet place) NO FREAKING WAY!! I was hungry!!! Essie and I looked at each other and said.. blame it on the pregnancy for being rude. It worked! I must say, I was pretty ravenous, but I surely could have waited the five minutes for the rest of the group. It was a beautiful thing. They totally understood!!

Another thing.. you can talk about bodily functions and not so pleasant hoo-haw conversations with out shame or worry!! REALLY!!! It's amazing! For those of you that know me, you know that I have a very faulty brain to mouth filter. If I think it, out it comes. Luckily, I do have enough common sense not to talk unmentionables around those that don't know me so well. Lately, I just don't care. I figure, 75% of these women have pushed watermelons out of lemon holes and I need some answers. Under non-sperminated circumstances, they would have looked at me for being quite inappropriate, but now, I am part of the CLUB! That's right.. its like this special knocked up club that you are golden once you join. I have free access to many many things.

So for those of you considering the stork route, I will admit it has its perks. Now, you will be paying out the ying yang for 18 years for 9 months worth of freebies, but hey, take what you can get.